Relationships: How to avoid pushing your partner away?
1) Avoid obsessive behaviour – Obsessive behaviour such as over-analysing your partners actions trying to look for signs of your partner no longer loving you is destructive. For example over-analysing why your partner did not text/phone you will make the other feel not trusted and uncomfortable. If you give your partner the impression you don’t trust him/her, your partner in turn will eventually start to distrust you.
2) Avoid drama – Some people thrive on arguments and like picking them. They may enjoy the game and may feel good at winning arguments but it causes the partner to feel like he/she always gets the short end of the stick. Eventually this breeds discontent.
3) Avoid being overly critical - and questioning your partner’s good motives. The more you do so the more your partner will feel humiliated and hurt. Eventually this may lead to conflict, your partner withdrawing emotionally or seeking ways to escape and find comfort and understanding elsewhere.
4) Being accusatory and negative about the relationship - “Why don’t you love me anymore?” or “I know you don’t want to be with me anymore.” Such statements reflect a suspicious mind that is assuming the worst without any sort of real evidence. Such a negative mindset will hurt your partner’s feelings and harm your relationship.
5) Trying to change your partner – Trying to change your partner is a way of telling him/her ’you are not good enough for me’. If you cannot accept your partner for who he/she is then you are actually the one who is not good for them and you need to change your attitude. Trying to change someone is not the basis for a long-lasting, healthy partnership. Although you can help bring out the best in someone and encouraging someone to overcome fear and self-doubt and aim higher and live up to his/her full potential because you believe in him/her is good. But nagging and criticizing someone for not living up to your expectations harms your relationship and drives a wedge between you and your partner.
6) Avoid getting too clingy or too emotional – This may happen if deep down you feel so insecure that you fear your partner may wake up one morning and realize you are not worth staying with and may leave you. The solution is to courageously face your fears and insecurities and overcome them. If need be find a counselor or psychologist to help you deal with them before your fears end up pushing a good partner away who never had the intention to ever leave you.
7) Avoid suspicion and hyper-vigilance - If you start looking for problems with your partner or with your relationship you will certainly find them. To a suspicious mind even the most innocent thing becomes evidence to build a case. Accusing your partner to often may cause him/her to withdraw from you. No one enjoy to be mistrusted. Deal with your fears! Face the fact that you are afraid of rejection. But if you prematurely decide that it’s not going to work out between you and your partner, you will probably get what you want. Going through your partners emails, texts and social media activity looking for evidence that your partner is cheating or hiding something, you’re bound to find things you won’t like. This does not per definition mean your partner is doing anything wrong, Maybe you are already assuming the worst so in your mind and so it will come across as something dishonest.
8) Avoid letting the past determine the present - If you frequently bring up your past relationships or those of your partner it could easily drive a partner away. The same applies to bringing up your partners past failures over and over again. Doing so shows that you are still vengeful and have not truly forgiven. Deal with it and let go of the past so you can be positive in the presence and work towards building an even better future.
All these 8 points boil down to loving your partner as you wnat him/her to love you and treating him/her the way you like to be treated. Read 1 Cor. 13 and instead of reading 'love is patient, love is kind..... fill in how you are towards your partner and read 'I am patient towards....., I am kind towards.....' And be honest enough to take note of where you need to change for by the end of the day that is the only person you can change with Gods help.