There are many ways that you can give love in your relationships. Here’s a short, but by no means exhaustive list:
* surprise a friend or loved one with an unexpected gift
* inquire after someone who you know is going through a difficult time
* provide emotional support for your friend who is distressed from a life event
* listen carefully to your partner without responding, but making sure you fully understand
* extending yourself for your friend or loved one without the expectation it will be returned
* making a beautiful meal for your loved one or doing something nice for them
* kindly touching someone’s arm, lovingly stroking someone’s hair
* kissing gently on the cheek or giving a warm hug
* remembering friends’ birthdays and making an effort to personally wish them well
There are many things you could add to this list, as we all express love in different ways. While you may already do some of these things in your relationships, some people find many of these things difficult to do, and even feel confronted with the idea.
Common ways people block love in their relationships
There are many different ways that people block love in their relationships - often because deep down they feel unworthy of being loved. Here are the some of the most common things I see:
* deflecting a compliment by changing the subject
* not listening to positive feedback from a friend or partner by moving on quickly
* using humour to move the focus when they receive affection
* physically pulling away when someone moves towards, hugs or kisses
* stonewalling- cutting off or ignoring a friend or loved one
* criticising a friend or loved one
* being defensive when a friend or loved one is taking a risk and opening up
* averting your eye gaze when someone is emotionally reaching out to you
Do you recognise any of these aspects within yourself? I think we all have done or do some of these things to block love in our friendships and relationships with people. Don’t beat yourself up for them, but start to notice and catch yourself deflecting the love that comes your way.
Ways to receive love in your relationships with people
So the next challenge if you are doing well giving love, is to check how are doing with receiving love. It’s much easier to say than do for many people.
Here are some tips for receiving love in your relationships:
1. When you receive a compliment, pause and then literally inhale so that you feel the goodness going inside of you
2. When you hear positive feedback about yourself, sit still and allow yourself to be with it. Then take a moment to feel what is being said- and say thank you.
3. If you notice you use humour to deflect the attention away, experiment with allowing the focus to be on you and experience whatever is there. If you feel uncomfortable, stay with this and continue to be curious about yourself.
4. When someone reaches out to you with a hug or gentle friendly touch, allow yourself to surrender to their touch. Lean into the affection and breathe.
5. Practise feeling loving kindness towards yourself and if catch yourself being self-critical remind yourself that you are special, wonderful and a great person. Turn critical thoughts into loving thoughts.
6. Practice loving kindness towards others- especially those people you don’t like.
7. When someone opens up to you, practise staying still and centred and allow yourself to receive this love, like a warm bath of sunshine.
8. Practise maintaining eye contact with people and notice when happens when you are able to not avert your gaze.
Through becoming aware of your own struggles with giving or receiving love, you can then see where your growing edges are. By working on becoming better in their area, you are opening yourself up to feeling this very important emotion allowing your relationship satisfaction with others to improve.
Adapted from: https://clintonpower.com.au/2011/12/the-power-of-giving-and-receiving-love/
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