What to do when it feels everyone is against you?

What do you do when you feel the whole world is against you??????

 

You wake up in the morning just like everyone else, but what you wake to is a life of stress and constant struggle.

You never seem to do anything right. Every which way you turn someone has a go at you about something you have done, or haven’t done or couldn’t do, or is out of your control.

You feel everyone is making demands on you. You can’t even answer the phone as there is always someone on the other end wanting something from you.

You partner blames you for everything that’s amiss in your lives.

You do everything possibly for your family but still your actions are not good enough. They seem to treat you as if you’re an embarrassment to them or that they just don’t have time for you.

You labour for your partner/family time and time again, going out of your way to make sure there ever whim is granted. You go without things so they don’t have to go without. 

But you get to a time when everything is just too much, you are drained and have no more to give. Every way you turn is another negative response knocking you down further and further till you feel the whole world is against you?

What can I do?

 

You look at the few options that seem open to you. Yet there is no hope in any of them but to just stay and endure. So you pick yourself up and brush off the hurt and despair and get up in the morning trying to piece together a better attitude and you go back to the labour of love like every other time. You cope better for a while until it all gets too much again and you fall back into this empty despair again.

So what do you do when you feel the whole world is against you?

Do you just repeat this same scenario time after time?

Do you walk out and leave it all behind you?

Do you take the ultimate escape and escape life entirely?

Do you sit with your friends time after time moaning about your desperate situation and talking bad about those you hold responsible… till all your friends leave you because there is nothing left of the friendships anyway?

Do you get strong and put your foot down and say things are going to change around here? Only to worsen the situation, and have them hate you even more?

Do you sit there and do nothing and just pretend nothing is happening and things aren’t so bad?

Are you looking for love somewhere else? In an affair or in self-soothing behaviour using alcohol or drugs, religion or popularity and success?

Do you plod on hoping one day things will change?

All the above scenarios are counter-productive, they will not help you in the long run!

Then what can I do?

 

What can you do if it seems that nobody loves you?

Well, it is time to embrace the truth that nobody can make you happy inside.

It is also time to embrace the truth that no amount of money, wealth, success or achievement will make you happy inside.

Happiness is a choice; it is your choice!!!

There are people that endure the most horrible events and still come out happy. There are those that become unhappy as soon as the smallest thing does not go as planned.

If you keep dwelling on past suffering, mistakes or misfortunes you won’t do anything except put a wedge under the door to invite more misfortunes into your life. But if you take responsibility for your own happiness you’ll gracefully overcome those feelings of dread, one by one.

You need to stop seeing everything as a personal attack, and even if someone attacks you personally choose to see enmity or resistance as a challenge for you to constructively respond to it and as a learning opportunity. No-one can do this for you. Only you can motivate yourself to that point!

Take your negative glasses off and start looking at yourself and others with positive glasses of love and compassion, of fogiveness and patience, of kindness and joy.

But I don't have the strength to take the negative glasses off and put on positive ones!!!

In God you can find all the strength, love, joy, kindness, patience you need. Surrender to Him andlet Christ rule in your heart and let pleasing Him be the greatest priority in your life. Seek Him in prayer and meditation and handover all that bothers you to Him and trust Him to deal with it. Let His word fill your heart and mind and accept His promises in faith. He really loves you and He can be trusted. Also surround yourself with positive people who do the same. People who live within the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of God is in them through the rule of Christ although they are still on earth.  Wherever there is the rule of Christ, there is a heart filled with love (Romans 5:5) and inner peace and happines (Romans 14:17).

Violation of the human rights of people in the ''bijstand''

In the Netherlands unemployed people who receive basic financial assistance from the government called ''bijstand'' are routinely subjected in society to stereotyping and various other forms of stigmatization and abuse. Negative stereotypes such as ''unemployed people are lazy'', ''unemployed people are unwilling to work'' do no only influence ordinary people but even the government employees who are meant to assist this very vulnerable group. Such stereotypes are not only unfair in terms of generalisation but also that it conveniently ignores the fact that there are about seven times as many unemployed as that there are jobs available. The unemployed are therefore scapegoated as the culprits when in fact it is society as a whole and in particular the government which has failed to create sufficient jobs. The influence of stereotyping leads to patronising and inflicting psychological and physical abuse. Consequently the Dutch social welfare system, once a humane system and the envy of many societies, is now fast deteriorating from a humane into a dehumanizaing system. 

Many people who have ended up in the unfortunate and very desperate situation where the depend on receiving a ‘’bijstand’’ allowance are treated unjustly and unfairly as guilty until proven innocent from the moment they apply for help. They are treated as if they are to blame for their misfortune and not the government which has failed to curtail the unbridled greed of the banking sector which has contributed to the global financial crisis as well as the crisis at home. The victims of the failure of the government and society as a whole are now treated as guilty of procrastination, laziness, dishonesty, possessing a lack of motivation and so on while the real culprits escape the blame. Of course such scapegoating mechanisms happen all over the world but one would think that Dutch society would be wiser than that. The victims of the failure of the government to provide them with suitable jobs are systematically re-victimised as ''guilty'' as they are continually required to present proof of their innocence by presenting evidence of job applications, bank statements and the like. The assumptions underlying the "bijstands trekker" stereotype also results in harsh treatment with severe punishments being meted out for the slightest infringements. Not only do these violate the fundamental human right of those in need of ''bijstand'' to be treated with dignity; it also violates their right to be treated as innocent until proven guilty. In addition their right not to be subjected to dehumanizing in the form of stereotyping and social discrimination is violated. It is well known in social psychology that stereotyping is a form of psychological abuse which forces the victims to respond in such a manner that they confirm, as a self-characteristic, the negative stereotype about themselves.[i]

In verbal and written communication by the social welfare authorities communicate to those receiving ''bijstand'' the implicit message that ''bijstand'' is a privilege and not part of their fundamental human rights.  Many of the recipients receiving ''bijstand'' report that they are treated like little children and are routinely threatened with ''if you don’t co-operate enough we will punish you''.  Because of their dependency on the ''bijstand'' uitkering most dare not complain and risk further victimisation. The psychological abuse of those depending on ''bijstand'' is perpetually sustained by repeating the threats verbally and in writing even where this is no justification to do so and even in cases where it is known that the recipient is unable to work due to a severe psychological condition. To do this to people who are already stigmatised in society, who are struggling to make ends meet and as a result are perpetually under financial stress, this is downright cruel. This kind of treatment befits an oppresive regime and contradicts the values espoused in the universal declaration of human rights which recognises the inherent dignity and the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family as espoused in article 1 and 2.[ii]

   

When psychological stress is accompanied by the threat of negative reinforcement it further disempowers and victimises people, fostering a downward spiral of despair and depression, making it even harder for them to escape the poverty-trap. Social psychologists have long pointed out that stereotyping actually elicits the very behaviour the victim group is accused of and sets them up for further mistreatment.[iv] This appears to be the case in the way people depending on ''bijstand'' in the Netherlands are treated.. The psychological abuse which results from stereotyping evokes resentment and lack of cooperation which sets up the victim for further abuse by the system. The system then responds by adding physical abuse to psychological abuse in the form of inflicting severe financial punishments which further disempower the victim.  In this manner people in the ‘’bijstand’’ are treated in a manner that predicatbly causes further psychological injury. Recent studies have confirmed this by demonstrating that the rate of suicide is five times higher among people receiving a ‘’bijstand’’ allowance than in society as a whole.[iii] Considering that the majority of people in psychological distress do not commit suicide the number of people suffering severe psychological distress may be as high as half of all the people needing ‘’bijstand’’.   

The threat of severe punishment is in itself a major psychological stressor, particularly for those who due to adverse circumstances are already in a psychologically vulnerable state.  The punishments themselves make the situation even worse:  A first violation may mean a 30% reduction of the monthly allowance (which already is below the minimum wage). A second violation may result in a 50% reduction and a third may result in no financial assistance whatsoever for a month or longer. In this manner the human rights of the most vulnerable groups in Dutch society are routinely violated. This includes their right not to be subjected to degrading treatment or punishment as article 5 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states. The distress caused to families, particularly children who are innocent of the parents alleged shortcomings is also a violation of their rights and of the states obligation to protect the family as stated in article 16, point 3.  Also withholding part or the whole of the ‘’bijstand’’ allowance needed for basic survival is not only cruel but violates article 25 of the universal declaration of human rights which states that everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control. And that motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. 

In conclusion we may state that the stereotyping and mistreatment of people depending on a ‘’bijstand’’ allowance in the Netherlands is a violation of their fundamental human rights.The mechanisms of and effects of stereotyping are well known and consequently the psychological distress of the victims could have been reasonably foreseen by the policy makers and implementers. They should therefore be held accountable for the distress and injury they have caused in their victims lives and affected family members. 

(Note the author is himself a recipient of a ''bijstand'' uitkering and has personally experienced some of what is described above while he was recovering from a severe post traumatic stress injury).

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[i] ReducingStereotypeThreat.org. What is stereotype threat. http://www.reducingstereotypethreat.org/definition.html

[ii] United Nations. Universal Declaration of Human Rights; http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/

[iii] NRC. ‘Arbeidsongeschikte pleegt vaker zelfmoord’; http://www.nrc.nl/nieuws/2013/12/04/arbeidsongeschikte-pleegt-vaker-zelfmoord/

[iv] Opportunities Lost: The Impact of Stereotypes on Self and Others http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK83767/

Christianity and western culture

Culture is like a stream flowing throughout human history from generation to generation. It is a stream that is gradually expanding as new inventions, insights and discoveries are added to what is already discovered. Nevertheless soem things are left behinds on the banks of history as things become obsolete, false beliefs are left behind, but unfortunately also sometimes good things and useful knowledge are left behind when they are erroneously considered to be no longer relevant. For example medicinal knowledge of certain herbs and plants has been lost over time which could have saved millions of lives today. Sometimes good things are re-discovered and revived centuries later as was the case with much of Greek thought being re-discovered and appreciated in the renaissance. Sometimes evil things are revived as in the case of anti-semitism, fascist forms of nationalism or anarchism. Theologically, the rediscovery of Biblical Christian beliefs and ideals in Augustinian thought by Luther provided the greatest challenge ever to the medieval Roman Catholic hegemony which had dominated European culture for more than a millennium. The resulting Reformation provided the fertile soil for modern society to be based on Judeo-Christian values and free from ecclesiastical totalitarianism. In today's post-Christian era, at least in ecclesiastical terms, it is essential for society's progress and stability that the moral and ethical values of this heritage are re-appreciated and preserved amidst competing ideologies and other religious beliefs that in human history have failed to produce a society with the same levels of freedom of choice, equality, humanitarian values, social justice and fair legislation.

Thoughts about dominion

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33 KJV)

The kingdom of God is the domain where the rule of Christ is voluntarily accepted by those who acknowledge His claim of authority in Heaven and on Earth (Matthew 28:18). It is an authority which seeks to establish itself through invitation rather than domination.  It is the way of the world to dominate people and make them submit, but the way of Christ is humility and servant hood (Mark 10:42-45). Christ did not establish His rule on earth by domination but by self-sacrifice, in love and humility, inviting people to follow Him and voluntarily submit to His Lordship. Those who accept His authority are also called to go into all the world and to invite people to become His disciples. It is an invitation to people to voluntarily submit to Christ’s authority which means learning to obey all He commanded us (Matthew 28:19). Those who humbly submit to Him receive the righteousness of Christ. Not only does it mean that they are made right with God, but they also receive the Holy Spirit in their hearts who writes His law of Love in their inner being so that they also learn to live right in accordance with Christ’s Law of Love. In this manner Christ is with them all the days of their lives, as Lord, establishing His gentle dominion of love (Matthew 28:20).